The Extremely Marvellous and Very Safe Moving Staircase Championships
by thegirlwithnoearrings
Summary: A stupid conversation leads to a stupid bet and a stupid game. How James and Lily create a Hogwarts legend and become friends. Starts in 6th year.
1. Chapter 1

** The Extremely Marvellous and Very Safe Hogwarts Moving Staircase Championships**

**or**

**How Lily Evans and James Potter invented a Hogwarts Legend and Became Friends**

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**Chapter 1**

_December 3rd 1976_

Lily sat in the library, chewing her pen thoughtfully, and also angrily. The former, as she was trying to think of the next thing to write about the uses and abuses of mandrakes, and the latter, as her latest interaction with one Severus Snape was replaying itself over and over in her mind.

Into this already heady concoction of emotions barged James Potter, who, no sooner than he had entered the library, made a beeline for Lily's table and sat down, facing her. The relationship between the two of them was as some, or in particular one Sirius Black, might say "fraught with possibilities." While everyone took very different things from that, from that they were days away from announcing their relationship, to that they were days away from announcing one of their gruesome murders, what everyone could agree on is that no one could really predict how an interaction or, more worrisomely, a conversation, between them would go. An observant outsider could perhaps have gauged this even without Sirius' comment, from the tense and slightly panicked looks Lily's table was now getting from the surrounding occupants.

"You look, dare I suggest, both thoughtful and angry." He picked up one of her quills and began twirling it in his fingers. This, as well as his comment, snapped Lily back from her postulating to the present and she turned her attention to her new desk mate.

"You know Potter, for once, you are right on the money. I am feeling both thoughtful and angry. Perhaps you should look into Seeing as a career? It's very... you."

He raised an eyebrow. "For your information, Evans, I am always right on the money; this moment just happens to be a prime example. Also you've written "I am thoughtful and angry" and your writing is very easy to read upside down. Nice disconnected letters. " He sniffed. "And I don't appreciate your insinuations about a Seeing career. I know for a fact that you heard me describe Seers as "pompous, self-aggrandising twerps" yesterday at lunch."

"Potter, if there's one thing you should know by now it's that I tune you out wherever possible, and lunch, thankfully, is possible. But I'm glad you've learnt how to utilise self-reflection. " Lily looked down to see that she had, in fact, written "I am thoughtful and angry" and glanced back up in annoyance. "Great. I now apparently feel the need to subconsciously write down my emotions. Who does that?"

James shrugged wisely. "No one I've ever met. If I were you, Evans, I would go see the school counsellor."

"We don't have a school counsellor."

He nodded again. "One of the greatest failings in this establishment, if you ask me."

"I didn't. You suggested it."

"And what a marvellous suggestion. Both innovative, and caring. Progressive, and economical. School would save a fortune on fixing injuries from duelling and whatnot, if only there was someone around to _talk_ to."

Lily thought he might have a point. "Dumbledore would never go for it. It's much too sensible a suggestion. Why not warm him up slowly, and petition for baby dragon cuddling sessions once a week instead."

James grinned. "Capital suggestion Evans! This is why you'll make a great Head Girl."

"Oh, you should hear the rest of the improvements I've got lined up. Here's Suggestion 17e, under Subsection: Correspondence. You know how currently we use owls to fly back and forth with our post? Think instead... Flobberworm Tunnels." She spread her hands out mid air as if framing the name. There was silence as they both stared into the mid-distance.

After an unreasonably long pause, she continued. "Not only do I think it'll be revolutionary at Hogwarts, I have high hopes of it catching on in the Wizarding World at large.

James was all at once reminded of how extremely deadpan Lily's sense of humour was. Merlin, he loved it. "That is possibly the worst suggestion I've ever heard and I love it."

"Thank you. I'm working on the rest."

"You know what I think would be a tremendous improvement to the school. Monthly staircase racing competitions." He held up a hand at her raised eyebrow.

"Hear me out. Start and finish line, very top and bottom of one the towers. Winner is whoever gets to the bottom first. Any means allowed, the more creative the better."

"You could turn them into a slide, ride on your cape," suggested Lily, warming up very quickly to the idea.

"Until you gain too much momentum and miss-time a stair move," grinned James. "But don't listen to the naysayers. I'd love to see that played out in real time."

They both laughed.

"Would attempting to hex the opponent be allowed?" pondered Lily, before continuing without missing a beat. "Who am I talking to, of course it would."

But of course! Is it a Moving Staircase race without potential hexation? And I'm thinking attempts from the audience would be too."

"Audience?" questioned Lily, smirking. "I should have known a Marauder would never create a batshit crazy game without planning on an adoring audience."

James ruffled his hair, having the grace to look abashed for all of half a second, before continuing bombastically onwards. "You should know me by now, Lily Flower. Anything for an adoring audience."

"I'm thinking I should be writing this down; this sounds like the funnest suggestion since everyone raced across the Lake after partially Transfiguring themselves." She sighed. "I've had human octopus hybrid nightmares ever since. So many were... so bad..." She trailed off.

I hate to correct you, Evans, but 'funnest' is not a word." Lily stopped thinking about tentacles where legs should be and stuck her tongue out at his smirking face, ignoring the funny feeling she got in her stomach as his eyes darted, just ever so briefly, to her mouth. "Actually no, I don't, I love correcting you. But I agree," he continued blithely on, unaware of Lily's sudden embarrassment. What on earth should she be embarrassed about? She decided to store that moment away for later analysis. "That truly was an afternoon to remember. End of fourth year, was it? I don't think the shoddy state of our schools Transfiguration skills has ever been highlighted so wonderfully." He sighed, staring off into the distance with a nostalgic look on his face.

"Back to the matter at hand, though." He slapped his hand on the table, as if to rally himself to action, but succeeding only in making Lily jump, four nearby second years gasp, and Madam Pince glower fiercely from across the room.

Yes, back to the matter," Lily nodded sagely. "Two galleons says I'll beat you to the top of the Gryffindor tower and we can try this terrific new idea in person." With that and a slightly crazed grin, she took off, abandoning her books and running out the library. She'd look pretty stupid, thought James, as he immediately took off after her, if I just stayed where I was. But he laughed out loud as he ran, because they both knew really, that in what universe was James Potter not going to follow Lily Evans' for a bet and try something horrendously stupid?

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**A/N:** Chapter 1 of my first L/J attempt! Please review!


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Thank you for the reviews! Thanks lilprongsie, powerofthename and Minna Vipera!

I wasn't sure how long I wanted this to be; initially a couple of chapters,but now I think I might extend it a bit. Promise we'll get to the Staircase Championships at some point! Onwards...

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**Chapter 2**

They never made it to the top of Gryffindor tower. Turning a corner not two-hundred feet out of the library, both Lily and James - who by this point had caught up to her – skidded to a stop in front of an, at first, surprised, and a moment later, irate, Professor McGonagall. _What bad luck_, thought James impatiently. Lily straightened, tucked a fly-away piece of hair behind her ear and attempted to look as nonchalant as possible. "Hullo, Professor," she began, with a winning smile. "Didn't see you there, sorry. We'll just be off." She made to sidle around the imposing Transfiguration teacher but didn't get very far. "Just one moment Miss Evans, Mister Potter." She regarded them suspiciously over the top of her horn-rimmed spectacles. "Could one of you please explain just why you are pelting down the corridors on a Thursday afternoon?"

James ruffled his hair, grinning affably. Lily could tell without looking that he was doing it and rolled her eyes surreptitiously at the ceiling. "Would you say you were, on balance, more concerned by the pelting or the Thursday?" he asked, before continuing hastily at McGonagall's raised eyebrow. "That is, I – er – we, were on our way to try out a hypothesis." He nodded, as if it were obvious, and thought he caught a flash of amusement in the Professor's eyes. If so, it was gone as soon as he blinked.

"And what were you hypothesising?" she asked, with – Lily thought – mock interest.

"How potential Heads of School could take a greater intere-"

"Whether or not people might be interested in watchin-"

They spoke at the same time, and both trailed off, casting aggravated looks at one another, which everyone present construed, correctly, to mean '_let me to the talking, I'm-' _in Lily's case '_more believable' _or James'_ 'more practised -in this kind of situation.' _

"I beg your pardon," McGonagall said. "I didn't catch a word of that. Perhaps one at a time. Potter?"

James raised his eyebrows at Lily in triumph as he launched into his story. She regarded him doubtfully, sure that McGonagall had seized the weaker link and they were in line for a train wreck. "You see Professor, what it was, was that Lily here and myself were just pondering in the _Library_-" he put an exaggerated emphasis on this word, grinning again, as if daring the Professor not to be impressed at his studiousness, "whether people might be interested in watching – ah – certain, safety demonstrations and receiving mapped illustrations regarding the staircases. How to time a jump, shortcuts, ones to skip, that sort of thing. Rather tricky, some of them, particularly for first years and not to mention extremely dangerous. Just off to survey the options."

Lily grudgingly surrendered to his greater expertise in the 'fluent excuse-of-a-moment' department. While she could probably have invented something believable, his Marauder shenanigans had given his excuses a certain well-polished flair. It was a credible tale, and actually, she reflected, not a bad idea for the school going forward. Hogwarts really was rather lacking in any form of health and safety. Unfortunately, McGonagall seemed to agree.

The Professor looked from one to the other, clearly surprised but impressed. While normally she would immediately doubt any off-the-cuff excuse of Potter's, (there had been so many she took anything he said with a pinch of salt,) the fact that he was stood next to - and working in apparent harmony with – Lily Evans, gave the explanation much greater credibility. While not a huge stickler for the rules herself, Evans could be relied upon to look out for younger students, and she knew the Prefect did not usually seek out the Marauder's company.

"Very well. That does in fact sound like a good idea. I'm impressed that the two of you seem to have been able to put aside your differences for the good of the school – you both do Gryffindor proud, representing our house with maturity and leadership." The pair shifted guiltily, trying to avoid eye contact while still appearing at ease. McGonagall continued, apparently in an unusually nostalgic mood: "How far you have come from first year! I feel sure you will continue to help the school improve as your year group becomes the senior students in September." She bestowed upon them one of her rare smiles; James and Lily both wished they could sink into the floor. "I'll speak to the Head Master about it at tomorrow's meeting, and I'll see you both in Transfiguration in the morning. But no more running!" With that final command, she walked past them and turned the corner.

Lily turned to James in dismay. "You clot pole! Now look what you've done. McGonagall thinks we're paragons of Gryffindish virtue, we're going to have to see Dumbledore at some point about our "brilliant new idea" and we'll likely have to produce safety manuals and physical demonstrations of how to cross stairs until we leave Hogwarts!" She sank back against the wall, groaning dramatically.

"Yeah, to be honest, I didn't think she'd a) buy that or b) run with that as much as she did. She always picks apart my excuses." James admitted, grinning a smidge guiltily. Although she was almost certainly right, and this all sounded like a lot of unnecessary bother, a small voice in the back of his head was reminding him that this would all mean quality bonding time with Evans. He squashed it. He was over that. She was fun, that was all. If – he regarded her languishing on the wall – a bit prone to the dramatic.

"My bad, Evans. Should have said we were late for handing in an assignment or something - sympathetic and also zero future work commitments."

Lily groaned again in answer, her hand now draped across her eyes.

"We could always just see Dumbledore and then bow out," he suggested, slightly unnerved by her melancholic histrionics, even if it was his fault.

At that she dropped her arm and gave him a pitying look. "You think I could bow out after that "maturity and leadership" spiel 'Gon just gave us? I would now rather crawl to my own death than disappoint her, and don't think you wouldn't be crawling with me. I'd cut your hamstrings." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "That woman knows just how to play me."

James, now even more unnerved but in reluctant agreement – he didn't think he could disappoint such faith either – said moodily: "I bet she said it on purpose, in case I was lying. Emotionally blackmail us into being good students."

Lily got up from the wall. "Probably. Next time, let me do the talking." She frowned, noticing her implication that there would _be_ a next time. It smacked of camaraderie, and friendship, two things Lily was _not_ planning on pursuing with James Potter – just look at the mess the first time had created! - and she wasn't sure how it had slipped out. She hoped he hadn't noticed (but, of course, he had. He didn't care though.) and barrelled on. "Although, now I think about it, this may not be so bad. It gives us a teacher-approved excuse as to why we'll be around the staircases. Really, what's the difference between 'checking for safety hazards to contain them' and 'checking for safety hazards to exploit them?" She frowned again, repeating her words in head and finding them wholly unconvincing, but she resolved not to think about it and her brow cleared.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night. It's not like loitering in the stairways is a crime, you know."

"I know, but at," she checked her watch, "2:50? It's a bit weird-" she stopped as James yelped and looked at his own watch.

"Crap, I said I'd meet Reyna O'Brian at 2:45. How did I forget that?" He raked a hand through his hair in irritation. "Rain check on the staircase bet?"

Lily nodded, then frowned. "How do I not know who that is?"

"Third year. Hufflepuff."

"That explains it. I'm not sure I've ever seen a single third year Hufflepuff in my life. I'm not even convinced they exist."

"Now you mention it, they do seem uncommonly rare." James agreed. "I don't even remember seeing any _we_ were in third year. And we had Herbology with them."

They both attempted to recollect for a few moments. James shook his head. "Anyway, Reyna's the only one I know."

Lily looked at him with sudden suspicion. "How _do_ you know her? And why are you meeting up with her?"

"I'm not sure it's any of your business, Evans."

"No," she agreed pleasantly. "But nosiness is one of my worst faults."

"And the worst thing you can do to encourage a fault is to give in to it."

"I always found giving in to a fault immensely satisfying. Like that time I noseyed my way into Linda Grady's business in fourth and found out my slag of a boyfriend was meeting up with her."

"Bitter much?" laughed James. "I'm guessing that was Mitchell Drummond."

She nodded.

"And how was that satisfying?"

"Oh, it wasn't, much. Punching him in the nose was though. Immensely."

She shot him a cheeky grin.

"I take it all back. That sounds amazing. Never liked him. How did I miss that?" He wondered.

"I think you were in the hospital wing."

He looked at her in surprise, and she blushed.

"I'd been talking to Remus about it at the time; he missed it as he was in the hospital wing, and he mentioned you other three being there too. Still don't _what_ you four were doing to all end up there. Couldn't get it out of him."

James might have been persuaded to elaborate but had a thought. "Hang on, aren't you friends with Grady? Ravenclaw, tall brunette?"

Lily nodded. "Oh yeah, she's great. We get on famously. She didn't know obviously, at the time, that I was dating Mitchell. And of course, when two girls find out a guy is screwing them both over, the only thing to do is ditch him and become firm friends."

"Terribly enlightened, Evans, but I think you'll find about 70% of the female population at Hogwarts would disagree with you there. Emily Sutherland and Rachel Roberts have been feuding since fifth year over Rory Gambit. It's infamous."

Lily sighed. "They prop up the patriarchy and put feminism back about 40 years at the same time. It's a distressing use of brain cells."

James snorted. "I'm not sure they terribly well-endowed in that department. It's dead racy though."

She scowled, and James thought it might be wise to change the subject. "Stubbornness is one of my worst faults," he confided. "McGonagall wouldn't let me try out for the team in second year 'cos they already had three chasers. I badgered her , I think, about twice a day for three weeks until she gave in." He laughed at the recollection. "And wrote letters. And put Quidditch references in my Transfig assignments."

Lily laughed appreciatively. "See? Dead satisfying. Faults truly are the spice of life." She turned sharp eyes on him. "So, back to the point. Why are you meeting with Reyna O'Brian?"

"Well, you know, it's uh…" he grinned sheepishly, and ruffled his hair. "Not sure I should tell you, Marauder reputation and all that…"

She raised her eyebrows and folded her arms, classic signs of the beginning of a Lily-Evans-Lecture. James had been on the receiving end of a few of these before, but not for months. She usually reserved it for his most thoughtless and at times bullying attitude towards the younger years. Otherwise she'd just hex him.

He sighed. "If you must know, I've started seeing her t-"

"You've started seeing her!?" Lily almost shrieked, interrupting him.

James paused, and quirked an eyebrow. "Jealous, Evans?"

"James, that's horrible, and so hypocritical!" Lily cried, impassioned. "Third years are like, tiny children! How can you string along a 13 year-old after McGonagall literally just said how she proud she was of us for looking after the younger years? The-"

"Oh, easily, Evans." James interrupted with a dangerous glint in his eye. "Nothing so impressionable as a 13 year old Hufflepuff, once you actually find one. I mean, I've gone through our year, of course, and fifth, not too sure about fourth year, not really many lookers there, so why not skip straight on down?" His voice was still light, but had a cold bite to it.

Lily couldn't believe what she was hearing. James was popular, confident, Quidditch Captain, and fancied by probably around a third of the school. The responsibility that came with this, and that up until now she thought he kept, was that anyone older or up to two years below was fair game. That was the unspoken school rule. Even two was thought a bit weird though, and not even Sirius Black had ever had a liaison with a girl three years younger than him – that she knew of anyway.

"Why not skip straight on and out of Hogwarts?" She retorted. For a moment it seemed as if they both might laugh; not one of her wittiest comebacks by far. But she rallied her anger and pressed on. "You are unbelievable! Taking advantage of your position, your looks, your popularity!" Her voice had risen till she was almost yelling.

"Oh, my looks, Evans?" James smirked nastily. "Didn't know you'd come to appreciate them."

"I haven't come to appreciate anything about you, you twit." She scoffed. "You know, I actually thought you'd begun to change? You were acting decently, being polite, being funny – we were getting on! But underneath you're just as shallow and selfish as you ever were."

"Oh yes, because you're the perfect angel, aren't you Evans! Of course, only once I changed every aspect of my personality could we "get on". If I'm shallow and selfish, you're just as self-righteous, critical and judgmental as you ever were!" James looked really angry now; his hands balled into fists and his eyes lit by that same, cold fire.

Lily opened her mouth to yell back, but a young girl turned the corner at the opposite end of the corridor. She saw James, and waved at him. They both fell silent, regarding each other coldly, and in James case, with a hint of satisfaction in his eyes.

The girl approached; she had bronzed skin, dark hair and eyes, and a mischievous smile. She glanced between them and sniffed; Lily was sure she could pick up the tension.

"Wotcher, James." She said with a grin, hoisting her bag over her shoulder more firmly. "I'd apologise for being late, but you clearly are too." She smiled at Lily, then addressed James again. "I'll meet you in the Library shall I? Looks like you're in the middle of something here." She gestured between them vaguely with her hand, grinning more widely. "Rahel says thanks again, by the way; I did so much better in that last test. She's more concerned about my grades than I am!"

Lily was starting to feel as though she'd made a horrible mistake.

"No kidding." James gave her a friendly smile. "Tell her no worries. And you know what, I think I'm done here, Reyna, I'll walk with you. You can tell me what homework you haven't done this week and the no doubt excellent reason why." He ruffled her hair and she swatted his hand away with a yelp, in an easy, familiar manner. With a last challenging look at Lily, he turned and walked away, Reyna chattering on beside him about McGonagall and wand length.

Lily was left wishing the ground would swallow her up for the second time in 15 minutes. Obviously, it wasn't a rendezvous, but a tutoring session. She groaned out loud, tugging on her hair. Why had she even jumped to that conclusion? They were by the library for goodness sake. She supposed glumly that was the reason he'd appeared there in the first place. To help failing third years out of the goodness of his heart! And he had been early!

She didn't think it was possible to feel any worse than she did. She had slighted and insulted him, suggested she thought his moral standards were so low as to be abhorrent, and all while he had been doing something rather admirable. She kicked the wall, and started to walk slowly back to Gryffindor Tower. Her books were all still in the library, but she left them; she'd be blowed if she was walking past Potter just to observe the finer details of his caring, thoughtful side.

Now that she thought about it, she was sure there was an O'Brian in one of the Quidditch teams – that must be Rahel, and how James knew Reyna. If sh'ed just stopped to _think..._That was a classic Lily-James argument, something she'd hoped they were over by now, and she only had herself to blame. He'd say something provoking, she'd jump down his throat, he'd be antagonising, she'd be derisive and it would spiral from there. Except this time, she had jumped to the wrong conclusion. She had behaved shallowly, and critically, and in every other way James had accused her off.

She sighed, and resolved to duct tape her mouth shut in the future. But first, she would have to do something she swore, from day one, she never would - apologise to James Potter.


End file.
